People Who Don't Know If I Suck

Above: Me playing live in my room in 2013. 8:29pm. How's that big new war going? Are we going to appeal to all the senior students in the high schools to join the armed forces? Is the country on def-con-one? Or did they just exaggerate a normal flare-up in that region to distract you from the Rolling Stones getting busted with my song, Daylight Dilemma (Halcyon Days) on that day, which would otherwise have been the top story of the hour? You must think I'm 'weak and unprotected' when the truth is that I stand alone against monumental stars like the Rolling Stones and kick their sorry asses all by myself. That's what you get for trusting those lying, manipulating assholes on TV. Maybe they'll make you brave enough to try something with my songs, so you can go to jail, too. 12:59pm. I was talking to my house friend about the only time I go to a bar. I told him that the only time I go is when I'm thinking of playing there. I like to patronize the place a little first, and get to know the staff, before I ask them. Usually they feel inclined to accept. And then my house friend - who watches a lot of TV - said: 'and then you suck.' Why did this avid TV viewer and AC-DC fan say this about me? I don't think he's even heard one of my videos. And then he wanted to tell me about a show whose title was, People Who Don't Know They Suck. What made him think of that? So I'm now going to talk directly about people who don't know if I suck. After all, I don't need to imitate everything the TV says when I don't watch it. People who don't know if I suck have never seen me perform because I've played no live shows here since December 2010 and hardly anyone came to support my show when I played. It's not fair to say I suck live when I haven't even taken my songs to the stage yet. They may also wish to judge me on how I sounded ten years ago, back when I only knew a handful of my songs and bands were on the radio with the other 200, but that's not fair either. And they want everyone to think I'm going to be playing my music in my room or in the hallway of a storage space, with the whole background coming out of my amp, rather than through a P.A. No, I'm sure that I can make it sound at least as good as my demo if I played through a P.A. People who don't know if I suck built their lives out of my music and comedy and now they say I suck when I want to build my own life out of it. And people who don't know I suck also don't even know what songs I will play at a live venue because I may not have even written it yet for the first time. People who don't know if I suck tell everyone I suck as I rewrite songs that made their players loved and called artists and poets and Jesus on the radio. I think it's most unfair and unreasonable. And how's that war with Iran going? You know, the one that broke out the day I rewrote the Rolling Stones 2007 hit Halcyon Days (which I called Daylight Dilemma) earlier this year. Are we sending over the aircraft carriers and troops? Or was that just an exaggeration of a never ending problem in the Middle East that could take your mind off the Rolling Stones getting busted for the second time by my song sharing on the internet? If so, that's not fair either. I have my father's love of hard work in me. I love hard work. One of the guys in my building saw me on the floor, scraping off the gunk line from where the floor meets the wall, and said: 'Did you go through the 'Redemption Program' in jail?' No, that program is for people who are punished by hard work. I love it. And I'm pretty normal that way, I think. We love working hard on things that will improve our lives. I see it all around me when I see how well kept the lawns and gardens are here, for instance. I'm a bit strange with my need to be the very best at my job, though, perhaps. I always need to outperform everyone else. In web design school, I didn't just learn Dreamweaver but the whole JavaScript programming language. When I write comedy, it tends to be much better written than what most others are offering. And when I write music, I think you can hear the difference made by my effort, which allows my music to have a nice wide range between mellow and heavy, as well as to explore many other time signatures outside 4/4. And if I ever decided to perform, I'm sure that the listeners - if anyone showed up to listen - would appreciate the effort I put into practicing beforehand. So 200 songs, most of which had to be pulled off the radio. And 1050 comedy scripts, almost all of which had to be pulled off of popular TV shows. And now I suck live before I can even know what music I'm going to play for my show and have even had a minute to practice? I can't decide on my set until I'm sure I've caught up with all my old songs. Is that a good enough reason to hesitate after ten years of having to pull them off of the radio? I think so. As for People Who Don't Know They Suck, are they on TV anyway? Well then, I guess they at least know that they're rich. And they also know that the business that showers them with riches has no problem with handing them my hard work to claim as their own - at least until they get caught - when they're lazy fuckers who don't want to put enough effort into their material.
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